It’s a funny thing. I have always had an ability to distance myself from a situation so that I can still function when those around me are having difficulties coping. Some early psychological evaluations I did indicated that I had very little variance between my ‘work face’ (the professional persona) and my ‘private face’ (the me I use around friends), but it also highlighted that when stressed, I get increasingly self reliant, very intolerant and highly self critical. The old adage “If you want it doing right, do it yourself” is my reaction to stress. A sad indictment of my early years, where all I could rely on was me.
So here I am, getting increasingly frustrated by appallingly designed websites and many levels of duplication in applying for jobs. I can design this stuff with ease, yet there are obviously fools out there bluffing their way through on marginal competence. But they have a job and I don’t. Dichotomy… Stress…
So a neat new trick of my psyche is a combination of the self reliance & distancing techniques to form what can only be described as a very nobly worded adult version of the oh so juvenile “I’m not gonna play no more!”
Taken me a while to catch it, covered under apathy, depression, busy dealing with house sale, creditor negotiations, job applications et al. But at the root of it is the big kid in me having a huge tantrum because the world won’t admit just how wonderful I am 🙂
I am also noticing a very short fuse at the moment, my number one indicator of being stressed and worried. Merciless is a term I would use. Thank the gods I do not live in a country where gun ownership is legal.
Yet again, I read through my waffle and think “and the point is?” So, here’s the ‘parable’ from this:
Always be honest with yourself. Unless you are very lucky, you will have to work at something you don’t really want to do so you can afford to do the things you like. Also admit that you are too honest to do less than your best, but are now living in a world where ‘just about average’ is frequently the pass mark.