There are so many ways that the title of this post can be delivered, usually as subtext, body language or a telling glance. I admit it, I whinge like a bitch at times, thankfully keeping most of it to myself. Because I have always had the ability to see both sides of a situation, a gift that has made me a reasonable man (most of the time).
But sometimes I wish that I had the short-sightedness to be comfortable in my narrow-minded view. The blinkered insularity of utter surety, unswayed by logical argument and considered opinion. It must be so nice just to have an opinion and that’s it. No doubts, no reticence. Just the knowledge that what I percieve is the all of the situation.
I see it every day, I meet it on the streets and in the shops. People who are so sure that what they see is all that life has to offer. It has taken me so long to realise that for many, that is the way and they are incapable of seeing beyond it. Frightening to me, because I know that there is a point beyond which reason will not work on these folk, they will just fall into incomprehension and possibly anger if their view is challenged.
“Look up! Dull eyes, and wonder –
What you have missed.”
I wrote that couplet many years ago, before I arrived at the realisation that the eyes in question may not be ‘dull’. A lack of ability to see the bigger picture behind any situation or the other side of an argument does not indicate a lack of intelligence. Indeed, one may posit that any fanatic suffers a similar reluctance to ‘look up’. And there are some scarily intelligent fanatics loose in the world today.
The point of all this? Heh. Now that’s a telling one. In all conscience, I cannot bemoan my current situation and the changes it is about to inflict on my life. But I can regret, with a rueful smile, that I’d be a lot happier if I could just cry foul and the act like the universe had it in for me, and that this was the worst thing that ever happened to an ‘honest, hard-workin’ white boy’.
With very few exceptions, you have only yourself to blame for where you are now. However, beating yourself up about decisions made in your past is a futile hobby. Shade the memories and reasons with regret and gentle, self-depreciating sorrow. Then smile, shut the fuck up and get on with your life.
I tell myself that every day. Somedays it works.