Hello 2015. Seems like I was only doing this new year thing a few days ago (and if you switched ‘days’ with ‘posts’, we’d be correct). I had a five-month gap on the blog in 2014, and for the life of me I cannot recall exactly why. It wasn’t like I was doing anything pressing. 🙂
Another year blows away and we find ourselves regathered and, by and large, unscathed. I didn’t lose anyone particularly close to me this year, for which I am grateful, especially as many friends and acquaintances did. It makes you realise that while we are essentially immortal, the recycling aspect of dying gives us a change of form and those who remember us grief and sorrow. That being said, I am still not philosophically resolved to the dissolution – or contraction, or reconfiguration – of self that will occur upon the demise of my physical form. For the nonce, I shall remain determined to not go quietly into that long night, and not to test its grasp for many decades to come.
I finished 2014 unexpectedly (and quite likely briefly) employed on a fixed-term contract. In addition, I have eleven books in print, and three of them in multiple editions. Another ten books are in progress and multiple fragments of stories and things that may become books continue to bedevil my preference for organisation. Oh, don’t ask about that love thing. 😀 You know it’s unchanged and unresolved with elements of unrequited if I look deep enough. Let’s move on. I’m a big boy now. Things not going exactly as I’d wish – in love and all other things – is something I have finally come to terms with. It’s taken me so damn long to realise it’s not them, it’s me. In some ways, I am so very like everyone. In others, I am too strange to bear. And as it’s the latter that allows me to write, makes me poor company for romance, and gives me the finest friends – although very few of them, I have no real reason to complain… But it would be nice, ya know. Hey ho, onward…
Mum’s still slipping gently into the long twilight of dementia, but well cared for and loved. I cannot bear it at times, but that’s par for the course. She’s my mother, she should be eternal, not reduced to this. The care is all that can be done to help. If a pet would linger with reduced quality of life, we can let it go on. That this is not available for our significantly incapacitated and lingering terminally ill is a thing I cannot countenance.
But that is something that has increased for me this year, the intolerable nature of certain aspects of this supposedly advanced civilisation in its twenty-first century. There is poverty, inequality, corruption and greed. There are heroes and heroines fighting for the dignity and honesty of all, but they are bitterly outnumbered by those who chose not to see. That is the reluctant conclusion I have come to. The sources of information and education are there, facts can be found. But people are so busy being themselves and accepting that it is fine to hate minorities upon demand, as dictated by government and media. I have never had an optimistic view of where we as a society are headed. When one of my most optimistic friends said to me “I am coming round to your view”, it made me unutterably sad. This civilisation we have built for ourselves from the industrial age has metastised into a cancer that will mutate mankind into something ugly, selfish and without compassion. The only question is when, and whether the global catastrophe – natural or man-made – that is needed to rebalance society will occur before the dystopia sets.
So we start another year with slim hopes for the big picture and a grim distrust of the establishments that should serve us. Fair enough. Let that be the landscape against which we set our good intentions and fine deeds.
Happy New Year. Let’s have more success and less ignorance, shall we? 😀