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Category Archives: Love & Loss

The Love of Your Life

“She did not break my heart, I let her. For preventing it would have been to take it back, and that would be betrayal.”

Therein lies a truth, a definition and a sorrow. In this one giving there is no limit, and there can be no reserve if it is to be strong and reciprocated. To receive you must gamble, you must make the terrifying, selfless commitment to place the dreams of another before yourself in the hope that they know your sacrifice for what it means and offer similar willingly, touched beyond anything by the trust implicit in the act. In that moment the sacrifice becomes mutual and the two that remain are made more individual by their sharing.

It is rare. Never cheapen it or consider it weak. No-one can experience it and return to where they were, even if it is lost. It is a transformational thing that should never be sought for, nor wasted.

How will you know? Rest assured that you will. Definition is useless because it is subjective and unique, even to two people who share it. I hope you all find it.

 
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Posted by on February 8, 2012 in Love & Loss

 

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘Yes.’

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

– Oriah Mountain Dreamer

A quotation that I find so encompassing that I had a momentary conflict whether it should be in ‘Faith & Magic’ or ‘Love & Loss’ instead of ‘Quotes’. In the end, I gave up and put it in all three. Because it is all of those to me.

 
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Posted by on October 16, 2011 in Faith & Magic, Love & Loss, Quotes

 

In This Light

In this blue, blue sky,
The moonlight glows,
A light so sweet, pale, and heavy
I become obsessed with it.

I’m alone under the moonlight
Calling out your name
Always searching for the future
In this light.

In a night where I can’t grasp anything
There isn’t a moment I don’t think about you
There isn’t a day I don’t think about it.
Let my wandering heart reach you…

Call out my name
Under the moonlight.
I’ll surely meet you wherever you are
In this light.

– by Rie Fu, song from the original end credits of Darker Than Black (Dākā Zan Burakku -Kuro no Keiyakusha)

Sometimes you just happen across a piece that fits where you are right then. This is one of those.

 
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Posted by on July 18, 2011 in Love & Loss

 

If I’m Only Dreaming

“Well I braved the pouring rain

To bring you flowers and champagne

It wasn’t no big thing

Coz it rained all day at work

You met me with a smile

That makes it all worth while

Hell I’d walk a thousand miles

For you, if that’s what it took

Coz you’re the reason I wake up

And the reason I lay down

Love on me had sure been tough

‘Til you turned it around

And I’d looked long and hard for someone

That I could believe in

So I hope nobody wakes me

If I’m only dreaming

Two or three false starts

Left scars upon our hearts

And now here we are

And I’m never lettin’ go

This love is true and kind,

So clearly defined

By hearts like yours and mine

And I, want you to know

That you’re the reason I wake up

And the reason I lay down

Love on me had sure been tough

‘Til you turned it around

And I’d looked long and hard for someone

That I could believe in

So I hope nobody wakes me

If I’m only dreaming

Baby, I hope nobody wakes me

If I’m only dreaming.”

* Mike Estes (Skinny Molly, Blackfoot, Lynyrd Skynyrd); from the CD ‘The Horse Trader’ recorded at ‘The Half Brick’, Worthing. *

I was there the night this album was recorded. It was a superb, atmospheric evening filled with some of the finest acoustic southern blues & rock I have ever had the pleasure of hearing. This song hit me hard then, and with subsequent events, this track lifts me so far that it reduces me to tears.

If you get a chance to see Mike perform, either acoustic or with Skinny Molly, do so. His is the voice that southern rock and blues was created for.

 
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Posted by on March 18, 2011 in Love & Loss

 

You Never See It Coming

“You never see it coming,
It just hits you by surprise
It’s that cold place in your soul
That fire in her eyes
That makes you come together
Like wild horses when they run…”

Quote from ‘Bullets in the Gun’ by Toby Keith. Sometimes he really captures a feeling.

 
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Posted by on March 12, 2011 in Love & Loss

 

Mea Culpa (For Most of It)

Of all the things I thought I’d be, alone and pushing fifty wasn’t one I considered. What has been so difficult to cope with is the fact that lonely had been a part of my soul and psyche for so long that I didn’t realise it was there until events brought it all home. So, here I am, redolent in the knowledge of wisdom gained and yet more than a little damned because of it. The point? Oh, yes. There should be a point, shouldn’t there? I guess it would be that learning is a good thing, but sometimes you may learn things you don’t like. Every thing I discover about me allows me to potentially be a better person. The fact that during the learning process I may bleed, scream, lament, tantrumise and generally hate the universe and every f*cker in it who apparently has what I want but cannot seem to get right is entirely a side effect.

 
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Posted by on March 10, 2011 in Love & Loss

 
 
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